The day you went away

This is the song that's playing through my head as I look down at my ankles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zfqusp7s5o0

I'm sort of pleased that the fluid retention is as hideous as I remember it, as I really struggled toward the end of my first pregnancy – and there was absolutely NOTHING ELSE wrong with me except for having swollen feet and ankles. If you'd asked me a few days ago, I'd have said I was feeling super-fantastic and even better than I did the first time around!

Yeah, that was before this happened.

I guess I was expecting it – and the hot weather is largely to blame – as well as just the general strain. My body is now suddenly heaving with the weight of this extra person (and attaché of calories). Even my wonderful acupuncturist didn't stand a chance against the primordial power wielded by the Element of Water. (Hmm... maybe Ondine is the most appropriate name after all - I think it means "water sprite")

I devoted this weekend to doing not much apart from be disgusted... and even allowed myself to put my feet up, getting myself all in a tizz about what position the baby might get herself into in the process! So I went to the pool to swim laps this morning in my quest to  'do something about it', which was pleasant, if nothing else.

All of this commitment to doing nothing resulted in Cole having his first major-ish accident where he fell of the couch backwards and gashed his head on the coffee table on the way down. There was quite the show of blood at the time which actually stopped almost as promptly as his crying. But as I was having a look and cleaning it up, I noticed it was a fairly gaping sort of gash so we decided we'd better take him to The Childrens' Hospital to get it closed up somehow. Wow!! What an amazing redevelopment: he barely even had a chance to get mesmerised by the giant aquarium before we were seen (< 2 minutes after arrival) and they proceeded to superglue the cut back together in another 5 minute period before we could be on our way. Of course, we didn't go without letting him check out the fish ... eyes eagerly searching for the "BIG one!!! BIG one!! - there he is AGAIN - he's COMING!!"

Then (after a much-needed rest) I spent the afternoon thinking about what I might really, actually NEED for the moment I go into labour... which included getting a bigger bag for hospital and shopping for those glamorous items such as maternity pads and Panadol Extra. Staring at the wall of Panadol boxes in the supermarket, you'd think I'd have some luck trying to find the one I wanted – but no. I had to go into the chemist, where I walked up to the counter and asked for what I wanted. The sales assistant asked,

"Is it for you?" and I said,

"Yeah, for the labour."

There was a woman also standing by the Prescriptions Counter nearby who looked over and said to me, in her very finest, nasally Footscray drawl...

"That's not gonna help, love!"


I think this last bit of pregnancy is supposed to be a lesson in all the things that aren't going to help, or change anything. No matter what you do, your body is going to cope however it's going to cope (or otherwise) and no matter what you do... or what else you try and distract or occupy yourself with... nothing else is going to loom as large or demand more of your attention. Every single little thing you do is heavy and lumbering with 'baby, baby, baby' and, 'birth, birth, birth'.

All I can do is visualise this little water sprite with her head down, moving lower and lower as the space in there becomes more unavailable. They are decidedly unromantic visualisations... My "mantra", if you like – this time around – goes something like: "It's really not that far! I mean.. C'mon. Seriously." The last few inches of the impasse are slowly softening away inside my grumbling and protesting body, preparing to allow for the event of birth. I have confidence that this is the case, even though I have never done 'that bit' before. My bag is now packed full of UNDOUBTABLY "unhelpful" items that are irrelevant to such an enormous physical undertaking... Including the Panadol Extra, which I did end up purchasing after all.

Forgot the icy-poles – will have to get those next time.

Also, maybe some superglue –???