So I had my appointment today at the hospital and it was just 'meh'. More of the same with the miscommunications... More: "But you really will HAVE to .... " Yeah? Well, whatever. Whatever is my coping strategy when it comes to that place now!! It's like it's not worth the fight. If I'm going to say no to stuff, it'd better be in the moment because that's the only time they're going to listen anyway.
I came away feeling positive that things were going to happen soon, not for any particular reason (or anything they were able to tell me). Maybe it was just because they didn't suggest otherwise?
I picked up Cole from mum and dad's place and it was clear he was going to need a sleep soon. He was even dozing off in the back of the car and I thought 'great' - I'm going to chuck him in the pram and go and walk around and see what I can get going. So I did... Went down to Savers and did a few rounds. Then went to Paint Spot and picked up the drop sheets that I thought we'd better have on the bed just in case my waters broke. Then, like a miracle, I arrived home to see the "show" - an astonishing moment!! The proverbial "ah-ha" moment... It's hard to describe my reaction. I think I mainly felt like all of my talk about wanting to "bring it on!" was momentarily flooded under a dozen spotlights, checking my enthusiasm for weaknesses. Had I been lying to myself about being excited? Was I simply talking myself into the fact that I really WANT to be in labour?? Because here was the sign that I had been waiting for.... and I felt.... Yeah, maybe momentarily a little freaked out; but in a good way, I think. I was intensely aware of the reality hitting home, but once I could see it so clearly, it became pretty exciting again. Even more so, in fact.
Next job? - keep excitement in check. It could still be a while.
Anxiously pace through rooms of house, wondering if contractions will start to get regular - or if these Braxton Hicks are just Braxton Hicks, or actually just not very painful contractions. No answer to be found there. Cole was still awake and berating me for things like "More cheese mummy! More cheese!!" - and I worked hard to satisfy his cravings while taking regular toilet breaks (my body decided that all extraneous detritus needed to be evacuated - and in a huge way!) and trying to keep everything moving - and press the start/stop button on my contraction timer app on the phone (bloody difficult, as I kept misplacing the thing EVERY time).
Cole's in bed now and Tom's home. We are being cool for the time being. I think we know enough just to know that we will "KNOW" when something is really happening... if we still have to ask, then I suppose that's the answer!
I'm still having contractions but they are between 7 - 15 mins apart and are quite bearable. They are 'real' ones though, mostly - of that much I'm sure. Now it's just a question of getting into established labour, a place I've never been before. How do I get there without doubting it into impossibility? I hope I'm doing the right thing by not getting excited. By staying calm and staying put. Part of me wants to get outside and get walking again, just do whatever needs to be done until there is not a shred of doubt left. There is another voice in there that says, "your body will just do it - your job is just not to get in the way". I need to relax and step aside - put myself aside.
Anyway, if anyone's actually reading this, then I beg you not to get TOO excited!! We haven't even called our midwife yet! Once things are at a 'need to know' level, then we will start contacting the relevant people. Otherwise it could be a very long night (or series of nights) for everyone. It's 8:30pm now, so I will give it at least another couple of hours to see how things are progressing. Time has now become 'labour time' - where an hour is 'X' number of contractions long. It seems way shorter than 60 whole minutes, that's for sure.
Am I about to be one of the 5% who give birth on their due date?? How bizarre - nobody could be more surprised than me if I did!!
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